Tuesday, May 25, 2010

While I'm Waiting

I am terrible at waiting but I know that God has a better plan for my life than I do. I can't write well and I can't formulate creative phrases that will capture your attention, so I am just going to post a song. This is pretty much how I feel:

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

I am getting better though. It is still difficult to know that I may not get what I hope for now. It is comforting however, to know that in the end, I will get what I want because what I will want is what God want (Psalms 37: 4). We'll see what happens. I recently heard a quote: what you think about is what you care about and what you care about is what you chase. This is pretty self-explanatory and I really think it is true. If I start think about God, I will start to care about God, and I will start to chase after Him. It is crazy though, we can't do it... But it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose (Philippians 2: 13).

Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. - Colossians 3: 2

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Sixpence None the Richer

"Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure." - Philippians 2: 12, 13

Sixpence None the Richer is a famous band that originated from Austin, TX. They are known for hits such as "Kiss me" or "There She Goes." When asked about the origin of their band's name on The Letterman Show in August 1999, this was what Leigh Nash said:

"It comes from a book by C. S. Lewis...called Mere Christianity," she resumed. "A little boy asks his father if he can get a sixpence - a very small amount of English currency - to go and get a gift for his father. The father gladly accepts the gift and he's really happy with it, but he also realizes that he's not any richer for the transaction..." "He bought his own gift," Letterman responded. "That's right," Nash continued. "C.S. Lewis was comparing that to his belief that God has given him, and us, the gifts that we possess, and to serve Him the way we should, we should do it humbly...realizing how we got the gifts in the first place."

Isn't that comforting?

Sometimes we feel discouraged and depressed because we keep trying to evoke desires that we don't have. I can't force myself to love God. In fact, I can do anything that God commands us to do. That's why Paul said that it is God who works in us, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. Maybe we need to stop trying so hard to do something that we cannot do but instead ask God to equip us with what we need to please Him.

God, command me and then give me your command.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Lonely?

It's late :/

I have to be at work early in the morning. My job consists of basically standing in the same spot for hours flagging traffic. It is pretty uneventful. I have to say that I am envious of many of my friends who have interesting and productive summer jobs. Maybe next summer? However, there are perks to standing alone in the middle of the road for hours; I get to catch up on all the podcasts I missed. I still have an audio bible in my phone that needs to be read (heard). But I have all summer and countless hours alone (on the highway) to do that. Anyways, here's something I learned today:

Loneliness was the only human longing that was pre-fall. Before our depravity, Adam was lonely. This tells me that loneliness was not a product of depravity but instead a part of perfection. Granted what we long for and the stuff we try to fill up the loneliness can sometimes be shewed, but I don't think loneliness is wrong at all. I think that part of God's image in us is a sense of longing. I might be wrong, but I really do think we need to stop suppressing our loneliness but instead embrace it and let it motivate us to chase after God.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

My Obituary


Andy Stanley was one of the speakers at Passion this year. He talked about how who you want to be is more important than your relationships and what you want to do because who you are will determine your relationships and what you want to do. One of the exercise he introduced was to basically write your on obituary or what you want somebody to say about you at your funeral. This was extremely awkward and morbid but it really help put into perspective who I want to become! Hope you enjoy it :)

Harold Tan Crow

Harold was a Christian. Not just the denotative meaning of the word; professing belief in Jesus as Christ or following the religion based on the life and teachings of Jesus. But also the literal meaning of it; Christ-like. Harold’s immovable faith and unstoppable passion for God overflowed into his attributes and defined his excellent qualities as a human being. Everything he did is just another way of sharing what he cannot contain. God loves so Harold loved. God gives so Harold gave. Everything Harold did can be traced back to one all-encompassing purpose; to glorify God. He never tried to shove religion down anybody’s throat, but his example forced other to take God more seriously. Harold did not live a “normal” life. He did not chase after success, popularity, or status, instead he chased after God with everything he had. And as a result, Harold gained the respect and admiration from his peers.

Harold loved what God loves and hates what God hates. This meant Harold strived to excel in things God has revealed to us; encouragement, honesty, love, humility, courage, thankful, etc… He was honest even when honesty was costly. Harold cared more about his friends then he did the status of their relationship. He was meek even when he was successful; Harold simply gave all the credit to God. He loved others even when it was difficult to do, just because God loves them too. Harold remained rooted in faith and his courage was unyielding even when the circumstances were difficult. He never complained about anything but instead he was always grateful for everything. Harold was extremely encouraging. He was always there to build up; never did he cause somebody else to stumble. Harold simply loved people.

Harold was an extremely intelligent person, both in this world and in his faith. He could confound others with the knowledge of how the world works and defend his faith with arguments so logical and convicting that it would cause even the most unbending atheist to second guess themselves. But Harold never tried to manipulate others to do what he wanted them to do; instead he was constantly trying to help others. Harold was a servant.

Harold trusted God every step of the way, even when the road seem to be heading nowhere. God was his guide, his advisor, and his best friend. Nothing breaks his heart more than seeing a friend going astray from God. Nothing would bring him greater joy than seeing a friend come back to God. Harold was always singing. Whether it was in a choir, band, or just simply dominating his vocal talents while driving down the road, Harold always seemed so joyful. He would say that music was what most connected him to God. When asked what was most important to him, Harold said that it would be his passion to know God more and the sacred ambition to make Him famous; to know God and to make Him known. This holy affection for the God of the universe molded Harold to the person he became and build up a legacy that will forever change our lives. If I had to sum up Harold’s life in one statement, it would be this:

It was an all-consuming passion and love for God and other people.

Friday, May 14, 2010

I Will Sing

This will actually be my first legitimate blog post! Go me. The others were just old notes that I've wrote and I decided to put them on here :)

Well I wrote a song today. It was kinda sporadic, but sporadic things are usually the best! I was just thinking about how I am ALWAYS singing and most of what I sing are worship music. Then I started to thinking about the Psalms. Many of what they sing about was how they were lost and overwhelmed by their enemies and how God delivered them. I think that is enough reason to sing :) Our God saved us when we were dead in our sins, His mercy and grace reached beyond our grave and pulled us out, and one day we'll be sing praises to Him forevermore! What a glorious day that will be!

There isn't any catchy phrases or glamorous lines. It's simple and pretty straight forward because I am not talented enough to think up such things! Here are the words:

(Verse 1)
I was lost in sin,
Condemned to die.
But You came for me,
Now I am Yours and You are mine.

(Verse 2)
I ran away,
And tried to find
Some other treasure to fill my life.
But still You came
Your love remain
Now in Your arms I will abide.

(Chorus)
I will sing to You
I will lift up my voice in praise.
For you alone remain
When all else pass away.

(Bridge)
And I will sing Hosanna,
I will sing Hosanna,
Sing Hosanna to You.
For You alone are holy
You alone are worthy
You alone deserves my praise.

(Verse 3)
One glorious day
We will meet
Our Savior face to face
And we will sing to Him
Forevermore.


Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Spring Break

Spring Break

No more tests, studying, or worries. At least for a few days. It's nice to be able to just stop and think. No distractions, just me and Jesus. Finally, I have time to reflect on all the craziness that has been going on recently.

12 weeks have past since Passion 2010. I miss my family group and the friends that I've made. I am trying to keep in touch with all 11 of them. Sending messages every week to hopefully be an encouragement and occasionally a text message just to see how they are doing. I have really only heard from 4 of them. I know that it is not an obligation to reply, but it is very encouraging to hear what God is doing in their lives.

Thank you Justin for replying to my messages and even though you didn't get to go to California, I am sure God has a great plan for you at Kentucky! Thank you Morgan for helping me lead family group at Passion and for your random encouragements from time to time which makes me smile! Thank you Stephanie for replying even when you are busy and also for letting me in on the amazing things that God is doing in your life! Thank you Lauren for going to the breakout session with me at Passion and for always willing to talk about Breakaway and how awesome God is! You guys rock.

I have two people that are constantly in my mind. I would give up anything to see them grow in a deeper relationship with God. I have tried for a year to get them to come to church or perspective with me. Only one has somewhat accepted that invitation. I am not sure what is happening in his life but this is a good start! The other person however, has been ignoring every single one of my invitations. Sure she has came to church with me a few times but now she is even starting to ignore those. I have thought about giving up many time but I just can't do it. Not sure how I can approach this because I don't think she consider me that good of a friend. I guess this is the heartache of ministry, when you long to see someone you love to love God and realizing that there isnt much you can do to make them choose that.

I know of 6 couples that are getting married. But to be honest, being single doesn't bother me as much as it used to. It's not that I don't want to get married because I do. I guess it is because I am starting to trust that God's plan is better than mine. And whether I get married or be single for the rest of my life, God is still good and He still loves me. I am actually enjoying learning more about God and trying to excel in the revealed things. And as long as I remain single, I want my life to be undistracted and completely devoted to knowing God and making Him known. I gave up on looking for a potential girlfriend everywhere I go. It is so distracting and I would so much rather find her as I chase after God with all my heart than to try and look for "her" at Walmart. If I ever get married, there will be no doubt that God alone brought us together in a way only He can.

God is good. I am so thankful. I do not deserve any of what I have.

"Maker of heaven, giver of life, You are my strength, my song in the night. My refuge, my shelter now and forevermore. My help comes from the Lord" - The Museum, My Help Comes From The Lord.

Enough thinking, time for bed :)

I surrender all

God,

All my ambitions, dreams and desires, everything that is precious to me, and everything that I love, I am giving up holding on so tightly to them. I am tired. I don't know what is best for me. My plans are so weak and selfish. You have the better story. Take my life and let it be all for you and for your glory. Take my ambitions and desires and do with it what you will. You may give them to me or you may take them away forever. Whatever your will is, let me embrace it with joy.

I know that it won't be easy but I love you and I trust you. I will not be afraid.

All to Jesus I surrender. All to Him I freely give. I will ever love and trust Him, in His presence daily live. All to Him, my blessed savior, I surrender all.

Harold T. Crow

Not without love

Not Without Love (Benediction)
Written by Jimmy Needham

I tried Lord
I tried Lord

I tried hard to be Your good little boy
Chin up head high, all zeal and no joy
Thinking all my good deeds could please Jesus
Boy, was I wrong

Though I knew the right songs all my cymbals and gongs played the melodies wrong
And it wasn't long till I saw my disease
A life spent wanting to please
On hands and knees
To make right, to appease
God help me please

This can't be Christianity, it can't be
The whole thing's like insanity
Where’s the rest of eternal security?
Where’s the hope of a God big enough to cope with all my hang-ups and insecurities?
Certainly this isn't breathing
My chest burning and heaving
It;s like my pulse is ceasing
Like my heart quits beating

Yet this I recall to mind...
And therefore I have hope

You died, LORD
You died, LORD

Assuredly...
Like the coming of the dawn the father's love song goes on
Drowning out my bitter songs
And breaking through walls and barriers
Christ swoops in, removes sin, picks up His bride and carries her
So I can sing in agreement with the King this thing:

There's only one one thing that pleases the Father
The God-man on the tree in the midst of the scoffers
Now I finally see that Christ is what Christ offers
And I’m finally free in the love of the Father

I am not without love.

Honest with God

Honest with God

(Genesis 15)

I find it interesting how many people pray, especially at church during the benediction. Some people are genuine while others are just showing off. Some uses fancy words while others get straight to the point. Usually, the prayer follows a certain pattern:

1. A greeting
2. A description of God
3. Giving thanks
4. A short summary of the sermon
5. Safety throughout the week
6. Description of Jesus’ name
7. Amen

After years of hearing this pattern of prayer, I began to incorporate it into my prayer life. Though it may be funny, I have to admit that many times, my prayer is just me regurgitating what I am used to hearing. I have always heard God being depicted as the “Creator of the universe”, “God on high”, “The great high priest”, etc… And because of that, I feel uncomfortable about the idea of getting honest with God. Honestly, I wonder if the God of ALL things would even care.

Yet we see the Abram pouring his heart out.

God promised a great nation, but Abram had no children. The possibility of the promise being fulfilled is becoming more and more unlikely. So Abram cried out to God. Abram got honest with God. He asked, “O Lord God, what will you give me, for I continue to be childless…?” In essence, Abram is telling God that he don’t see how this promise is going to be carried out.

Then God answered. The God of the universe did not ignore nor did He condemn Abram. Instead, God reassured Abram of His promise, again. Not only that, God brought Abram outside and told him to look up and count the stars. Then God said to Abram, “…if you are able to number them, so shall your offspring be.”

Abram believed and God counted it to him as righteousness.

God cares and I believe that for any relationship to progress, we have to be honest. I believe that God wants us to pour our heart out to Him, He wants us to cast our cares upon Him because He cares for us. But don’t dwell on your uncertainty, stop and look up. I think God was trying to remind Abram that He made the stars and that He has everything under control.

God is not only the King of kings; He is also our Heavenly Father. Get real but don’t quit trusting. Don’t hold anything back. Question. Doubt. Vent. Cry. Complain. But pause enough to look up and let the power of God resonant in your mind. Let the God of the universe remind you that He has everything under control.

Get honest with God.

Life verse

“Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart.” - Psalms 37: 4

Last summer, my buddies and I planned a hiking trip. It was the first time that we have really gotten to hang out because we all go to different schools so we were pretty excited about it. When the day arrived to set out on this incredible journey, we were all decked out in the latest outdoor attire. One of my friends had even bought a brand new Oakley’s and a GPS receiver. I had on some brand new tennis shoes that I bought at Wal-Mart… After we packed bags and filled up our water bottles, we set out to conquer the treacherous terrain of Pinnacle Mountain. Trying to make things more challenging, we decided to find another way to get to the top instead of following the trail… Needless to say, we got hopelessly lost after about an hour of hiking. Every tree looks the same and there were no trail markers in sight. We had the GPS, so we could have went back to our vehicles and forget about the hike but we all agreed that we wanted to keep going. As we were sitting around trying to figure out how to continue, somebody suggested that if we just keep going up, we will eventually reach the top. In a moment of panic and hopelessness, somebody said something that made perfect sense! An hour later, we stood victoriously on the top of the mountain.

I said all that to say this,

If there was ever a time where I was hopelessly lost spiritually was when I was at church camp about 4 years ago. Not lost in sin (I was already saved), but lost directionally. I know what is right or wrong, but I didn’t know right from left. I was clueless on what God wants to do with my life. I have felt like God is calling me into the ministry for a while then but I didn’t know whether that is just an emotion or the real deal. I asked my pastor and my youth pastor for some advice and I also talked to a friend of mine who has surrendered to the ministry a couple of months before. I seek counsel from a bunch of people but if you have ever been in the same situation, you know what they are going to say:

You will know when you know…

That was no help at all. I was still stressed out. I had absolutely no idea what to do. At that moment (this should’ve been the first thing I did), I became honest with God. I threw it all out there and I told Him everything. This was the day I first came across Psalms 37: 4. In a moment of confusion and uncertainty, God said something that made perfect sense, “Delight in ME and I will give you the desires of your heart.” It felt as if God told me to just worry about Him, and He will take care of everything else. Matthew said it this way, “Seek first the Kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you (Matthew 6: 33).” That week at camp, I surrendered to the ministry. Turns out you will know when you know.

Even now, there are still many uncertainties in my life. If you know me, I tend to freak out if I don’t know something. I hate being kept in suspense. Sometimes it feels as if God would make me forget something just so that I will learn to trust in Him! But every time, I will go back to this one verse. It reminds me that God has everything under control. I also remind me that when I do not know what to do, I should do what I know to do. I should excel in the revealed things (Deuteronomy 29: 29); pray without ceasing, encourage the faint hearted, help the weak, flee from sexual immorality, rejoice always, give thanks in all circumstances, etc… A group of people in the book of Isaiah will say it this way, “Yes Lord, walking in the way of your truth we wait for you. Your name and Your renown is the desire of our hearts (Isaiah 26: 8).” Even though they did not how everything is going to turn out, their goal in life is to

Know God and to make Him known.

I have to admit that the first time I read my life verse, I was rather selfish. My mindset was that if I seek after God, I will get what I want. However, the more I study and apply Psalms 37: 4 in my life, I began to realize my desires are starting to look like God’s desires. It makes perfect sense. After all, if we chase after God with all our heart, mind, soul, and strength, what we want will eventually become what He wants.

And what He wants, He will get.

“Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart.” - Psalms 37: 4

Will you be my valentine?

I have never been a huge fan of Valentine's Day, so I decided to write a note because I am not on a date and I have time.

To be honest, I think it's pretty funny. This is the day that exalts lover and the loved one. Today is the day where men (in most cases) gets to show off how much they really love their significant other. Perhaps today may be the reason why so many babies are born in November... Today is the day when relationship status gets thrown into center stage; some may embrace their status, some are apathetic, and others are trying to change it. Many men are bold on this day. They will finally attempt to cross the great divide so they would be able to ask, "Will you be my Valentine?" Maybe it is the atmosphere of this wretched day that makes single ladies feel alone and left out. So I say to all the single guys, go ask them out now when they are vulnerable because they will most likely agree!

Kidding.

I decided to treat Jesus to some white chocolate mocha on Valentine's Day, me and Him went on a man-date to Starbucks. I spend the better part of my afternoon sitting in Starbucks just reading the bible, listening to some sermons, and just reflecting on some things. As I sat in Starbucks, I started thinking 1 John 4: 10.

And in this is Love, not that we loved God but because he loved us and sent his son to be the propitiation of our sins.

God is picture in the bible as a father, a king, a friend, and a judge. But what stood out today was the fact that God is also pictured as a lover. Like a man who is crazy in love and will stop at nothing to woo the girl of his dreams. I have always found this description of God kinda weird because I am guy and the thought that God loves me like His lover is just... Awkward. But this depiction of God's love just show how strong and intense His love towards us is.

Love sends. Love moves. Love acts. Love is not still.

When a guy is in love with a girl, he moves towards her. He talks to her. He seeks her out. He will overcome any barrier that stands between them. He will "happen" to run into her in the library. He "happens" to send her a text message that was "meant" for somebody else. He "happens" to call her "thinking" it was somebody else's number. The point is that he does something. And when the time comes, he will ask to be identified with her; "will you be MY valentine?" "will you be MY girlfriend?" "will you marry ME?" etc... At that moment, he will lay everything on the table, he is at her mercy, he is open to rejection, he is vulnerable, but he doesn't force her because love is a choice.

In like manner, God chases us, God's love overcame the barrier that separates us from Him. For God so love, he gave. He overcame the barrier of our apathy; And in this is love, NOT that we love God... He overcame the barrier of His wrath; He became the propitiation our sin. It is said that the ground is leveled at the foot of the cross, meaning nobody is higher or lower than anyone else. The crazy thing is that standing with us on that leveled ground is God himself. He gave up everything, He emptied himself and became like us so that He can save us. Like the man who is crazy in love, God asks to be identified with us. He gave us a choice because love doesn't seek to control others.

And just like the guy who asks a girl to be his valentine and just like the lover who open his arms to embrace his loved one, Christ stretched out his hands, from one end of the cross to the other, and asked the world,

"Will you be MY valentine?"

Hope you had a great day!

Don't give up

Don’t Give Up

Galatians 6: 9

“And let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we shall reap a harvest if we do not give up.”

It is so easy to give up.

Maybe that’s why there are so many unfinished projects, broken marriages, and incomplete assignments. Maybe that’s why there are so many addicts, alcoholics, and chain smokers. We have all given up at some point in life. We all have given up on trying to give up at some point in life.

Why is it so easy to quit?

Sometimes we don’t see the result of our hard work. Sometimes we get rejected one too many times. Sometimes we see others taking short cuts and prosper. Other times we simply think it is not worth it.

This past semester, I made it my “mission” to invite my friends to church with me. Seeing how they don’t really have a place to go to while at college, I would simply invite them to come check it out. Sunday after Sunday, I would call/text but most of the time, nobody came. Some would ignore my invitations and some would reject it. Every once in a while, somebody would come, but it will feel as if they had gotten nothing out of it.

I thought about just giving up many times. How easy would it be to just quit inviting anybody? How easy would it be to just give up and simply hope that they will somehow change?

How easy would it be to just quit and give in to temptation?

How easy would it be to skip your quiet time?

Extremely easy… right?

YES.

Rejection is discouraging. Not being able to see any positive results is discouraging. Battling my besetting sin is exhausting. Doing my quiet time is time consuming.

BUT,

At the same time, It is not easy for me to give up; there is something in me that would love nothing more than to see my friends deepen their relationship with Christ, than to see me becoming more like Him, than to want to spend every living moment with my God.

The things that I want to do, I don’t do. The thing that I don’t want to do, I do. I know it is wrong but I do it. I know it is right but I don’t do it. This is the paradox of a Christian life, the cognitive dissonance, and the conflicting desires: I want to but I don’t.

As believers, we struggle with this ongoing battle against our flesh, our “old nature.” How can we overcome our fleshly desires?

We look to Christ. We draw our strength from the one who already won the war.

I remember running a 5k during the summer. Having played 3 years of soccer and tennis in high school, this should be a breeze. I had everything planned out; starting slow, then after about half a mile, speed up a little and maintain that pace. I wasn’t going to worry about the people passing me at the beginning because I know that I will get my motivation from every time I pass somebody later on in the race. But the problem is, I start out too fast. So instead of getting my motivation from every time I pass somebody, my motivation was sucked right out of me every time somebody passed me! At about 2 miles, I was ready to give up. I was tired, unmotivated, and discouraged, until I started to think about the guy that has already finished the race. The more I thought about how he had already crossed the finish line, probably resting on the sidewalk, and downing a whole gallon of water, the more I started to feel motivated again. His victory gave me strength.

Christ’s victory gives us strength.

There is a bigger picture, there is a grander plan. Trust in God and take comfort in his promises! So, for all of us who have feel like giving up, let’s not! Let us fix our eyes on Christ, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising the shame, and is now seated at the right hand of the throne of God (Hebrews 12: 2)!

Let us draw our strength from the omnipotent God and not grow weary in doing GOOD, for in due time, when God deems the time is right, we will reap a harvest, if we

Don’t Give Up!

Why?

Because it is worth it.

What are you going to do with your life?

What Are You Going To Do With Your Life?

1 Samuel 16: 6-13

David’s story:

Israel had rejected God to be king over them. The people of Israel came to Samuel the prophet to demand a king so that they would be like the other nations. Samuel warned them about kings, he told them that this is a bad idea, that kings will take their property, possessions, children, and make them slaves (1 Samuel 8). The people rejected Samuel’s warning and God provided them with a king, a man named Saul (1 Samuel 10). At this time, Israelite and the Philistines had some disagreement going on and they were constantly at war. God will later tell Saul to destroy the Amalekites because they did not let Israel pass through when God delivered the Israelites out of Egypt. God will tell Saul to not spare anything, but to kill the men, women, children, and livestock (1 Samuel 15). So Saul went and defeated the Amalekites, but he spared the King and the best of the sheep and of the oxen and of the fattened calves and the lambs and all that was good (1 Samuel 15: 9). Because of Saul’s disobedience, God rejected him from being King (1 Samuel 15: 23).

1 Samuel 16: 6-13:

When they came, he looked on Eliab and though, “Surely the LORD’s anointed is before him.” But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.” Then Jesse called Abinadab and made him pass before Samuel. And he said. “Neither has the LORD chosen this one.” Then Jesse made Shammah pass by. And he said, “Neither has the LORD chosen this one.” And Jesse made seven of his sons pass before Samuel. And Samuel said to Jesse, “The LORD has not chosen these. Then Samuel said to Jesse, “Are all your sons here?” And he said, “There remains yet the youngest, but behold, he is keeping the sheep.” And Samuel said to Jesse, “Send and get him, for we will not sit down till he comes here.” And he sent and brought him in. Now he was ruddy and had beautiful eyes and was handsome. And the LORD said, “Arise, anoint him, for this is he.” Then Samuel took the horn of oil and anointed him in the midst of his brothers. And the Spirit of the LORD rushed upon David from that day forward. And Samuel rose up and went to Ramah.”

This would be the start of David’s incredible journey. Not long after this meeting, David will work for Saul, kill Goliath, and eventually became King.

My story:

I knew what I was going to do. When I was a little, I wanted to be a scientist or an astronaut. I wanted to wear the white lab coat or the space suit. As I grew older, Lego became my inspiration. I wanted to build. When I got into high school, I had it all figured out. I enjoyed being a part of life1, FCA, and church. I went on several mission trips, taught several devotions, and sang several songs. I will eventually surrender to the ministry. I had it all planned out. I will graduate high school, graduate from college, and then graduate seminary. I will then spend the rest of my life ministering to people at a church where I also lead worship, impacting and changing people’s life. I had my life all planned out.

And then I went to college...

I started my freshmen year with an applied mathematics major. I figured that if I wanted to major in something, I might as well major in something I was good at. However, the more I think about the future the more uncertain it became. I started asking questions like, “What can I do with a mathematics degree?”, “What kind of career do I want to be in?”, “Do I go to grad school or seminary?”, “How can I minister to people with a math degree?”, “Do I need to change my major?”, “Do I need to change school?”, “Will I ever get married?” All this time, I knew that I have surrendered to the ministry and thought that because of that many of these questions were answered. Until I realized that ministry doesn’t only mean being a preacher or a worship leader. Ministry is counseling, encouraging, caring, loving, sharing, witnessing, forgiving, etc… Whether it is working at a non-profit organization that helps starving children in Africa, teaching Sunday school, leading worship, or bringing Christ to whomever wherever you go, all of it is part of ministry. So instead of feeling more confident, I became more and more confused. I started asking, “What am I going to do with my life?”

The message:

What does David’s story has to do with my (or maybe your) story?

David’s story and my (our) story are actually very similar. What is interesting about David is that he did not become King right at the moment. We actually see that when Saul called for David, David was with his sheep. This means that when David received this incredible promise, he actually went back and took care of his sheep! We don’t know how much time David was taking care of his sheep before he started to see the promise became true. It might have been days, weeks, months, or even years. As time went on, David might have started to wonder if the promise is really true or not. He might have even asked himself, “Why am I taking care of sheep when I am anointed as king?”

Just like David, we (who have been saved by His grace) have been presented a promise just as magnificent, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare (peace) and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29: 11).” It might have been days, weeks, months, or even years when we have read that verse. Maybe we have started to wonder if the promise is really true or not. We might have even asked ourselves, “What am I doing here? What am I going to do with my life?”

So what must we do? What did David do? What am I going to do with my life?

1. David excelled in the revealed things.

David went back and did what he knows to do, taking care of his sheep. Later you will see that because of that experience, David will have the courage to take on Goliath. God has revealed some things to us (Deuteronomy 29: 29). There are some things that we know to do; the Bible will even tell us that “this is the will of God.” Things like abstaining from sexual immorality, encouraging the faint hearted, help the weak, be patient, don’t encourage revenge, doing good to others, rejoice always, pray without ceasing, thanks always, etc… (1 Thessalonians 4, 5). Are we worrying about the future or are we trying to excel in the revealed things of God while we are waiting?

2. David prayed.

As we know, David wrote many psalms. If we read through the psalms, they are not only songs, but also prayers to God. David prayed when he was victorious, he prayed when he lost, he prayed when he is happy, and he prayed when the bottom fell out of his life (Psalms 142). David “prayed without ceasing.” Are we praying (Philippians 4:6)?

3. David is chasing after God.

If we know anything about David, you would know that he is known as a man after God’s own heart (Acts 13: 22). David followed after God with all his heart, mind, soul, and strength. He had one goal in mind; to know God and make him known (1 Samuel 17: 46, Isaiah 26: 8). Are we worrying about what we can accomplish in this world or do we have sight on things that are eternal? He is no fool to give what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose – Jim Elliot.

David excelled in the reveal things. David prayed. David chased after God. Maybe we are doubting the promises of God. Maybe we are confused and worried. “Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due time we will reap, if we do not give up (Galatians 6: 9).” Let us seek first the kingdom and the righteousness of God, let us focus on delighting ourselves in him, let us fix our eyes on Him, for He promised perfect peace and that our desires and everything else will be added unto us (Matthew 6: 33, Psalms 37: 4, Isaiah 26: 3).

Maybe the question is not, "What am I going to do with my life?"

Maybe the question is, "What can I do now?"

2010

The year 2009 is filled with stories of good times and bad times, victories and defeats, highs and lows, making new friends and losing some, new relationships and broken relationships, laughs and tears, good movies and terrible movies, making promises and breaking some, excitement and boredom, learning and forgetting, forgiveness and hatred, peace and anxiety, sleeping in and sleepless nights, life and death, happy times and sad times, love and loneliness, overcoming and failing, etc…

There are so many variables.

Everything is always changing.

Except God.

The only thing that stayed the same, the only constant in my ever-changing life is the God of the universe himself. His love stays the same. His grace stays the same. His message stays the same. His goal stays the same (James 1: 17).

There is nothing so good that I can do to make God love me anymore, but there is also nothing so bad that I can do to make God love me any less. God’s grace is enough. God’s message is love. God’s goal is His glory.

It is uncomfortable to think that we are not on the top of God’s priority list, He is. All throughout the scripture, God is making Himself known. After all, God is the most God-centered being ever. He demands praises unto Himself, He made creation exalt His name, and He wants to be glorified (Deuteronomy 4: 24).

Egomania?

Absolutely not!

Have you ever won something? Overcame an obstacle? Found an extra piece of chicken nugget in your meal?

Do you just sit there and show no emotions whatsoever? Absolutely not! You express it. Whether you smile, shout, jump around, or break into a sporadic dance, you don’t hold it in. Because your joy is not complete until you make positive statements about a person, object or idea, either in public or privately! Praise completes joy (1 John 1:4).

Therefore it would make sense for God to demand praise from His creation. After all, wouldn’t the highest possible praise to the highest possible being complete the highest possible joy?

It is not egomania, it is grace. It is not demanding, it is love.

There is nothing great than our God.

This is the God that I want to serve and glorify.

My life might not be able to back this up yet, but I am trying, I really am. I don’t want to make anybody upset, especially my friends. I am just listening and actually doing something for a change. I pray that you and I will grow so close to God that we can hear Him whisper.

So twelve days into this New Year, I have one goal in mind:

I want to live a life that is not distracted and completely devoted to knowing God and to make Him known, while I still have the chance (1 Corinthians 7: 35, Isaiah 26:8).

I don’t want a life that is explainable without the Holy Spirit – Francis Chan, Forgotten God.

The most awesome poem ever

I’m sure that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed

By David Feinberg

God is Good

Growing up, I have always been amazed by “insignificant” things; how things work, how every little thing has to happen for something even bigger to occur. Looking back, I realized that God has EVERYTHING planned out for me. There is nothing that can match the feeling that you get when you throw yourself into God’s will, trusting him completely without knowing how everything will ever work out, and then look back later and see that there is no possible way that it could’ve turned out any better! It is one thing to KNOW that God has everything under control, but it is a completely different story when you EXPERIENCE God’s power first hand.

Everything happens for a reason. Divine providence.

Last year, I was a freshman in college. I quickly came to the realization that this is where my faith will either grow stronger or become non-existent. I have heard many stories of people that took a turn for the worst in college so I was determine not to join that statistic. Following the advice of many Godly people at home, I immediately went looking for a church I can be a part of.

I first went to Central Baptist Church. I loved it and I made many friends (some with eventually become my roommates). Central reminded me of Unity (my church back at home); great service, amazing choir, and a strong youth group. I thought I have found the perfect place. I went to Central for a few weeks, but God had other plans for me. Honestly, it was difficult to trust God and leave Central because I have grown attached to it but I did, and my search for a church started all over again.

Next I went to Woodland Heights Baptist Church. Another amazing church! Again, it reminded me of Unity. I loved it! I even started going to small group. Surely this would be the church that I can be a part of right? No. Again, God had other plans and I left to search for another church.

Over the next couple of weeks, I attended countless campus ministries hoping to find somewhere I can serve; Chi Alpha, BCM, MBSF, etc… I even went on a weekend retreat with Chi Alpha thinking that it was the place for me to be! It wasn’t God will; however, I got to meet Kris Allen on the retreat before he got famous so that was a plus!

So here I am on a Wednesday afternoon after months of going somewhere thinking that it was the place for me and coming back without a peace that that was where I needed to be. I was about to give up when I randomly stumbled across a church website; www.antiochconway.com. It was a Wednesday and I had no place to go to church that night so I decided to go check out their youth group (7:13) since they were meeting in a building right across campus.

I remembered this experience vividly. This was “The House,” and it was packed. I immediately felt something different about this place; its atmosphere, the people, the music, the free food… This particular youth group at that time started at 7:13pm thus the name “713.” So, at about 7:07pm, this little girl came up to me and told me to sit down because they were fixing to start. I later find out that this “little girl” was actually a junior in college and was the youth leader. Was it a different experience? Absolutely! But she reminded me of my youth pastor back at home; stubborn, shameless, speaks with authority, respectable, and a great leader. I felt at home and I have been stuck here ever since. I am guessing the ping pong table was God’s way of showing me that Antioch was where I needed to be, while utterly destroying anybody that that had the courage to challenge me!

Fast forward into my sophomore year of college. The transition from summer to school was bittersweet, I have gotten really close with some of my friends back at home and I am honestly going to miss hanging out with them. It has only been 10 days since I’ve moved back into Conway, but God has already done so much! On the first Sunday back in Antioch since the summer, 17 people joined the church. On the second Sunday, 30 people got baptized. And this coming up Sunday, the church has voted to add one more Sunday morning service making it a total of 3 services every Sunday morning. The church had over 400 more members than it has this time last year. The college ministry had tripled in attendance since the last year. God has just been showing up and showing out! I have met some pretty incredible people. I have so many opportunities to serve; being part of leading worship on Wednesday nights, leading worship for one of my friend’s small group, helping out in the youth group, etc… God has just been absolutely amazing!!

Looking back, God had everything under control. I am so excited! I cannot wait to see what God has planned for this year! Trust God, He will come through. This is my story.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.” – Proverbs 3: 5, 6

“…walk by Faith, not by sight.” – 2 Corinthians 5: 7

“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” – Psalm 37: 4

Letter 3

February 12, 2010

Dear God,

It’s almost Valentine’s Day and I am getting distracted. I guess this is the only way I can help organized my thoughts.

I have written two letters, once every year since 2008, and both directed to this “girl” that I may or may not have met. In both letters, I have written about how when I meet her, I will be a gentleman that will cherish and love her unconditionally. I have written of how I will open doors for her, pay for her meals, give her rides, and make her happy. I also talked about how I was looking for her and that I will find her. I have often thought about how I will treat this “girl.” I will make her feel special, I will buy her gifts, and I will tell her that she is beautiful. I will love her like you love me.

I know that all these things are good. You even told us that we should love others as ourselves (Luke 10: 27). But there's a problem; though my intentions are great, my priorities were misplaced.

My focus was “when I meet her” instead of “if I meet her.”

I was so caught up with my plans that I forgot to acknowledge yours. I was so focus on “loving other as myself” that I forgot that that wasn’t the first and greatest command (Luke 10: 27). I was so focus on my fulfilling my desires that I forgot to delight in you (Psalms 37: 4).

Of course I wanted to get married. I would love to meet this “girl.”

BUT,

I realized that I was making all these plans without ever considering you will. Not only that, I began asking myself that if your will for my life is to remain single, would I be willing to live with that? More times than not, I find myself hesitant to answer. See, I have made my plans and held on to them too tight and you had to tear my fingers from it.

So, this shall be the end of the letters to this “girl” and the start of more to You.

My desire is you seek after You with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength. To love You with all that I am. I still have plans. Many of them. But until I can be completely satisfied in You, those plans will have to wait.

“The mind of man plans his ways, but the LORD directs his steps.” – Proverbs 16: 9

And these plans that I have, I will now hold them out on opened hands. So that if my plans are not your plans, you won’t have to rip it out of me. Instead, I will gladly give it up, in exchange for a grander plan;

Your Plan.

Because Your ways are far beyond anything I can imagine (Isaiah 55: 8 NLT)!

Love,
Harold.

Letter 2

Sunday, January 27, 2008
Hey girl,

Haven’t seen you in awhile. In fact, I don’t think we’ve met…yet. But don’t worry, we will…eventually. And when we do, I hope that you will love me for who I am. Please remember that I play soccer and tennis, not football. Also remember that I’m a guy, so please don’t be mad at me when I choose to watch ESPN instead of The Notebook. Please keep in mind that even though I act like nothing bothers me, my feelings get hurt sometimes.

I don’t talk much on the phone, so don’t think that I don’t want to talk to you if I am quiet, but stay on because I know that you will be on the other side. When you are with your friends, please refer to me as your “boyfriend”, not you “stupid” or “retarded” boyfriend. I promise to stand up for you when my friends are talking about you, and I also promise to love you more than all of your friends put together. When I act jealous or over-protective, please know that it is not your fault. I am a guy and that means I have insecurities. Promise me that you will not flirt with other guys…too much. That makes me very self-conscious and makes me feel as if I am not good enough.

I am not very good at making decision, but when I do, please back me up and not put me down. Remember that I do think about you when I am making up my mind. And NO, you are not fat, so quit asking! You don’t have to dress up for me. I think you look great in jeans, a t-shirt, and a ponytail.

I promise to open doors for you, give you rides, pay for your ticket when we go watch a movie, and walk you to your door when we reach your home. All I want in return is your appreciation. I want to be happy making you happy. Please remember that I have feelings too, and if I am having a bad day, it’s never your fault. Just be sure that you are there for me.

Every relationship is like a new game of cards. Unfortunately, I have never been good at cards. I am not perfect even though I like to think that I am (I am a guy). I will probably be nervous or even scared (just don’t tell anyone that).

I am coming, so stay right where you are and not go anywhere. Don’t change for me because I will love you for who you are. Stay pure, I will find you, and when I do, it will be nice to meet you! Oh and by the way, my name is Harold.

Love,
Me.

Letter

Hey girl,

Haven’t seen you in awhile. In fact, I don’t think we’ve met…yet. But don’t worry, we will…eventually. And when we do, I hope that you will love me for who I am. Please remember that I play soccer and tennis, not football. Also remember that I’m a guy, so please don’t be mad at me when I choose to watch ESPN instead of The Notebook. Please keep in mind that even though I act like nothing bothers me, my feelings get hurt sometimes.

I don’t talk much on the phone, so don’t think that I don’t want to talk to you if I am quiet, but stay on because I know that you will be on the other side. When you are with your friends, please refer to me as your “boyfriend”, not you “stupid” or “retarded” boyfriend. I promise to stand up for you when my friends are talking about you, and I also promise to love you more than all of your friends put together. When I act jealous or over-protective, please know that it is not your fault. I am a guy and that means I have insecurities. Promise me that you will not flirt with other guys…too much. That makes me very self-conscious and makes me feel as if I am not good enough.

I am not very good at making decision, but when I do, please back me up and not put me down. Remember that I do think about you when I am making up my mind. And NO, you are not fat, so quit asking! You don’t have to dress up for me. I think you look great in jeans, a t-shirt, and a ponytail.

I promise to open doors for you, give you rides, pay for your ticket when we go watch a movie, and walk you to your door when we reach your home. All I want in return is your appreciation. I want to be happy making you happy. Please remember that I have feelings too, and if I am having a bad day, it’s never your fault. Just be sure that you are there for me.

Every relationship is like a new game of cards. Unfortunately, I have never been good at cards. I am not perfect even though I like to think that I am (I am a guy). I will probably be nervous or even scared (just don’t tell anyone that).
I am coming, so stay right where you are and not go anywhere. Don’t change for me because I will love you for who you are. Stay pure, I will find you, and when I do, it will be nice to meet you! Oh and by the way, my name is Harold.

Love,
Me.

A Mote of Dust Suspended in a Sunbeam


The photo was taken by Voyager 1 in 1990 as it sailed away from Earth, more than 4 billion miles in the distance. Having completed it primary mission, Voyager at that time was on its way out of the Solar System, on a trajectory of approximately 32 degrees above the plane of the Solar System. Ground Control issued a command for the distant space craft to turn around and, looking back, take photos of each of the planets it had visited. From Voyager's vast distance, the Earth was captured as a infinitesimal point of light (between the two white tick marks), actually smaller than a single pixel of the photo. The image was taken with a narrow angle camera lens, with the Sun quite close to the field of view. Quite by accident, the Earth was captured in one of the scattered light rays caused by taking the image at an angle so close to the Sun.

"Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there--on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds.

Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.

The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand.

It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we've ever known."-Carl Saga, Pale Blue Dot, 1994

"O Lord our Lord, how excellent is thy name in all the earth! who hast set thy glory above the heavens. Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings hast thou ordained strength because of thine enemies, that thou mightest still the enemy and the avenger. When I consider the heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained; What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, I that thou visitest him? For thou hast made him a little lower than the angels, and hast crowned him with glory and honor. Thou madest him to have dominion over the works of thy hands; thou hast put all things under his feet: All sheep and oxen, yea, I and the beasts of the field; The fowl of the air, and the fish of the sea, and whatsoever passeth through the paths of the seas. O Lord our Lord, how excellent is thy name in all the earth!" (Psalm 8:1-9)

Boredom

So… It is 11:51pm on the first of August and I am bored to death.

The second year of college is just around the corner. It really made me realized that time waits for no one, especially when people I know back in high school are now graduated and going to college! I have learned so much this past year and it is way more than mere academics. I have learned that God definitely has a plan for us. More than that, God answers prayers! Here goes:

1. Prayed for a church to go to when at college – Antioch Baptist Church of Conway, AR
2. Prayed for new friends – Found PLENTY!
3. Prayed for grades in college – Good grades : )
4. Prayed for a job – Arkansas Highway Department
5. Prayed for a new guitar – Taylor 114e
6. Prayed for the lost – 53 from mission trip to Atlanta, GA
7. Prayed for opportunity to lead worship with new guitar – Church camp, MV, and F.I.T.S
8. Prayed for scholarships for second year of college – I now have excess scholarship funds
9. Prayed for some friends – Prayer answered, you know who you are : )

That is just all I could think of as of this moment, there are sooo much more! God has been great this year! At the same time, there are many selfish things that I have prayed for that God did not grant. I am thankful even for them. I am not perfect and still have many things I need to improve on:

1. Love
2. Patience (Waiting on something to start)
3. Tolerance (Waiting on something to stop)
4. Wisdom
5. Faith
6. Acceptance

And so much more… But God’s strength is much much stronger than my weakness and I am definitely excited to see what God has in stored for my this new year! God bless.

It is currently 12:25am on the second of August and am still… bored to death.

College

I have never met so many new people all at once before, it is pretty overwhelming. So many people are similar, yet alot of them are totally different. Coming from a small town where I knew pratically everybody, it is pretty amazing how that can change overnight (literally)! Now (although not legally an adult yet), it feels like I am responsible for everything I do; mom is not there to wake me up every morning, nobody is going to fuss at me if I choose to skip a class, nobody is going to tell me to study for a test, and nobody is going to tell me to go to church. It is interesting how you find out what you really care about when a person in authority isn’t telling you what you need to do whether it is academics, spiritual, or your values and morals.

It is a pretty awkward when you are introduced to an environment where you don’t know anybody and you have to take the initiative to start a conversation with complete strangers to start a friendship; although sometimes I feel like I am being really annoying!

In the first few weeks of college, I have met some pretty interesting individuals; some more than others. I guess I can say that I came from a very sheltered home. I am not used to living with people that party, drink, or do any of that stuff.

I really think this is where your relationship with God is strengthened or become completely non-existing. It is so important to find other Christians to hang out with or else you will be fighting the traps and temptation of a secular college by yourself. I have met some pretty awesome people that are great Christians and I am very lucky to have met them.

College is great. I love it. So many things are so uncertain. I am starting to enjoy uncertainty; it’s like a good movie. When things are uncertain, that is when you have to ultimately put your faith in God, and that is a pretty awesome feeling when you realize that your life is in the hands of an omnipresent, omniscient creator that is compassionate and loving. It’s pretty cool, yes it is. So many things can happen in the next four years that will change my life completely! I am definitely ready to see what God has in stored for me!

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”-Jeremiah 29:11